That’s what friends are for…
We moved from ozone park to woodhaven. I was 11 and I was girly, it was my idea to wear a dress for my first day at my new school because for me it was a special day and I wanted to make a good impression.
She was a leader, the cool girl who honestly smirked at my outfit but as the weeks passed came to accept me and my girly ways.
We didn’t grow up that differently. She knew what alcohol and violence could turn a father with unchecked emotional baggage into. It made us both tough in different ways. She became a shadow warrior and I became a light worker.
She held me under her wing. Whenever the other girls wanted to fight me she defended me. She knew I didn’t have it in me to dramatize playground issues because I still liked to actually play. I was caught between being cool by smoking cigarettes and kissing boys or being me by playing with make up and wishing I was a singer. She saw this in me and accepted me.
When we went to junior high she defended me against the bullies there. When I had my first kiss she coached me through it.
As we walked home nervous because we knew I was going to kiss my first boyfriend for the first time… she took a moment to pull me aside. She looked me in the eyes and sad don’t be nervous. Let him lead the way. He’s going to lean in and turn his head to one side. You do the same and when you open your mouth he’s going stick his tongue into yours and move it around. Just do what he does, ok?
She knew I needed that pep talk. It was terrible advice because we both knew that bad boy was not the boy to kiss… but that’s what friends are for.
The time came to choose a high school and because she told me she was going to a trade school I also applied. I ended up at a mostly boys school without her but thankfully it was a place where my girly ways were admired and appreciated. It freed me from the drama of girl clics and when she had her first baby at 16 I was appropriately playing soccer and volleyball and attending school committees and dances.
We have been for each other a direct and opposite example of the truth about life. My mother tried to separate us once but our rebel spirits were meant to be. We were there for each other through terrible break ups. We helped each other with our babies, money, rides, moral support, she’s been to Willy’s Place without me to offer me encouragement and out of respect for what my dad built.
Sometimes we lose touch for months and I dare say years at one point. We find our way to each other like magnets. When we reunite we don’t complain or hold each other in contempt for the lack of communication or presence. We easily just pick up where we left off! That’s what friends are for.
This memorial weekend I travelled to see her in her new home. It was her birthday but we also gather around this time because it’s the anniversary of her brothers tragic and fatal car accident. No one wants to be alone to simultaneously grieve and celebrate life. We were so lost in our bubble of play we had no idea what had happened in Gaza and Rafa. Celebration and Mourning- shadow and light…
I like to think her brother made a way for me to travel on one of the busiest holiday weekends with a standby buddy pass. Everyone was warning I would get stuck but my gut said green light go. On my last night in her beautiful home she and her husband forced me to go out on the boat with them for sunset.
Stop being a fucking vieja, Adriana! Cmon!
I responded with a demanding FINE! But I need a hoodie and chanclas.
It turned out to be the highlight of the weekend for me. On our way back from the tour of their surrounding lakes the playlist randomly gave us a happy birthday tune. As I sit in my seat flying back to NY reflecting on an amazing time together and writing about it, I remember the references to whales, us floating together in the ocean like little girls, the dancing, the laughter, the clouds shaped like fish and that happy birthday song out of nowhere…
I imagine my father and her brother becoming friends in heaven. I imagine them working together and pulling some strings for us from above. I see us as soul mates in a way, learning to let go of our pain, on a journey together, so different and so much the same. Amiga, hermana… I pray that your life give you new meaning with each birthday! I pray for your peace and prosperity. I pray your heart is light and joyful. Thank you for being more than a friend to me. I love you. I pray for peace for us all.
For highlights of our weekend click here.
