The altar gets thrown out

The second week of April came in with courage. For some time I was  avoiding something but you probably already know that karma comes for us all.There is always a place to look within to understand our problems and that’s the good part. 

I’m not wrong but I’m not right either. 

I turned to my altar, sat to pray on my problems and find forgiveness, Instead I felt the blubbering, whimpering mess I once was. The reverberations of my sadness reminding me I could easily fall for the seduction of deep feelings. I could get stuck there again. I could find myself once again in my own mess. Self sabotage. 

  I declare I am more than that. 

Everything I have ever wanted  doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of what’s possible when two faithful and focused people choose to fall in love…and that right there is my karma. The tight grip on an expectation for love has me loop in my own fears and reactions instead of literally falling and finding safe arms.  That vision requires me now. It’s going to take something, to see it through something’s got to give. What gives is karma. Full cycles. Complete endings. The willingness to hold out for something better. 

So, even though I knew the garbage truck had already passed because I heard it, I took the altar outside. The whole block had empty cans and so did we but I needed it out on the curb and gone from my life. I needed the blubbering mess to come into her grace. Special pick up was the next night and I was willing to be that person (who takes garbage out way too early). 

On my return from loading the dryer that’s downstairs I see through the glass window of my front door the bright garbage truck and a confused garbage man. He shrugged as if to question, did I miss this one? As he threw it into the crusher I knew I was onto something. I knew it was ok to let important things go. I knew God was showing me something in soft and slow ways. I knew that I was heard and help came immediately.