Crying is beautiful

“Just be with your feelings, sit with it, befriend yourself”

The trouble with talking like this is that it makes no sense to people who are in their pain.  Give a moment to “sit with” the injustices and cruelty we face each day? Befriend this circumstance? That can be a really overwhelming invitation, especially if we are the kind of people who often have a lot of feelings.

I don’t know about you but when I am in a situation, its all I can think about. Worse possible scenarios take hold of my imagination and my nervous system takes a hit for it. Then the whole world starts to look like it’s coming for me. Sooooo……you want me to sit with that some more???? No thanks, byeeee.

Which brings me to the topic of the day, me crying. I am just so tired of seeing the world at war. All the wars. It feels appropriate to just cry.

So I love people but I’m also really scared of most people. When angry and desperate, people can be scary. I saw aggressions and acts of violence as a kid. To me, none of you is less or more violent than the other. From the angle of my child self I saw quite quickly and clearly that people were all the same.

Dads hit moms, moms hit kids, teenage boys, regardless of race beat up old people. Boyfriends hit girlfriends and sometimes vice versa. Everybody fighting.

The race wars when I was growing up were not just black and white. It was Costa Ricans hating Nicaraguans and Dominicans hating Haitians, Peruvians hating Chilenos and Puerto Ricans hating Nuyoricans. All of us hating and blaming the state of our world on someone else. And today, same shit, different bigotry.

Lately, I am easily drafted back to those times as a kid when the people around me, pretty much everywhere just hated each other. It’s exactly what we look like today.

The little me is still responding and reacting to all of it. The story of black and white, this or that, win/lose, winner/loser. There’s not much space for more than fear.

When everywhere you go there’s a smackdown waiting, how do you thrive? When it feels like no matter what, you don’t belong, and in that very moment be with the feelings around that? Is that right...  ?

So I am just gonna cry because it’s actually all that’s available. My inner world having an outer manifestation, I’m sure you’ve heard. Well, lets sit then.

If you’re up for it, here’s a journal prompt.

Where am I in the conversation of good/bad, how do my dreams unfold into a world where I fit in?