Carry your own Condoms, I dare you…

A few weeks ago I spent a weekend celebrating my sister’s birthday on the island of Jamaica. Montego Bay was amazing, the sun was intensely nourishing and the ocean deliciously salty and buoyant. I had never experienced that effortless sensation in the ocean. I am usually afraid of undercurrent and crashing waves but this time swimming was a joy. The crystal clear waters under the new moon and her dark sky lulled and cradled me into surrender. I let her rock me into acceptance of my beauty and desire for luxury. Let me tell you, I frolicked and played. One of the things I love about myself is no matter how hard it actually gets for me I have this insatiable appetite and luck for a good life.  Somehow even though I have nothing, I have everything. 

I defy logic and reason and I like that about me.

Hard times take their time moving through me, it might be my chiron in Taurus but it doesn’t help that there is an inheritance of loathing and anger ravaging my lineage. For many months the declaration has been that I would be writing more and feeding into the blog more often and completing long overdue stories, but first things first… 

How can creativity flow when there is a brick wall around my heart?

Forgiving and forgetting is necessary for my writing. Baptizing the situations of my past as blessings are for my revival. Yes, again. Over and over again until, well, forever. That’s just how life is, wonderful and heartbreaking. Over the last month I have learned some ugly, hidden truths about the people I come from and it all makes sense.  My heartbreak is appropriate. If it has taken a long time to put into practice what I preach these last few years it’s because there were many lessons being integrated. Surrender was necessary. I could not see through the fire and smog of my anger. I could not let go even though I wanted to. 

There is no way I could have known that the salt of my tears would be remembered as I floated playfully in Jamaica’s healing waters. I could not have known back then how much fun I would be having now, that my hot girl summer would be so because I dared to feel my pain, because I healed the parts of me that were ashamed.  Almost immediately after getting to NY I felt guilty for having such a wonderful time. The wild and free woman I have always known myself to be was getting stifled by conditioning and expectations. For a hot and healed woman like myself to truly enjoy the potential of summer lovesss I must once again surrender. Like i did in the ocean.

While I floated and played in cool waters there was an onlooker. He even joined me in the ocean to watch me at a distance. I was in my body and therefore in my power, enjoying myself, being enjoyed. I dare you this summer to come into yourself, to attract without even trying. Fall in love with being alone and be your own best friend. I even dare you to carry your own condoms and to be free of that self imposed isolation and criticism. Unlearn shame and guilt by fearlessly learning the cause and then own it. Own who you are and what you want. Prepare for deep pleasure and self trust by saying yes and trusting what is pleasing to you.   Get the tenderness you need and deserve and when that sneaky devil called shame pops up, remember that the devil is a lie.

Happy Summer!